Breathwork Training Group – Seattle

I am offering a new Breathwork Training Group that continues May 18, June 8 and July 20. You can join it (space permitting) on any of these dates. After that it is a closed group that will meet for 1-3 years.
Learn Rebirthing Breathwork in a small experiential group. Each meeting, participants will trade sessions with another group member with Peters support and guidance. Peter will also teach about the process and “how too” directly, but this will be an experiential group. The group is open to people with all levels of experience and learning to facilitate Breathwork sessions helps to understand and work with all relationship dynamics on a deep level.
Participants will be encouraged to trade sessions outside of the group. This is a doorway to a lifetime of breathing in a new way without having to pay for each session individually.

By using our breath as a tool to increase our ability to feel and resolve the effects of the past we begin to unlock the doors to personal freedom. Breathwork gives tremendous support in learning to feel and be present. By learning to breathe consciously and fully, we discover and release the core issues now held in our mind and emotions. Rebirthing is powerful and gentle, emotional and spiritual, and peaceful and blissful.

Rebirthing breathwork when practiced regularly transforms our breathing and our energy field. By freeing our breath we open to life energy more fully and then that life energy continues to offer healing on a cellular level. This work takes us beyond trying to remember to breathe, it transforms our breathing and makes free breathing automatic.

The group will also likely be about all kinds of relationships and anything that the breathwork brings up for people, so that is basically everything🙂.

It may help to understand this as including these topics:
• dry breathwork sessions
• conception, birth, family & relationship patterns
• unsupportive protection mechanisms
• the personal lie/core beliefs
• pre and peri-natal psychology
• the art and science of breath work

The group size is limited to 10 participants. We will meet one day each month (usually the second Sunday) except in August and December. Exact dates and location are flexible. The first two meetings are opened without committing to the ongoing group, after that a minimum of six-month commitment is required. If over time the group size drops I might add people. As the group evolves we may decide to meet less often but continue for a second or third year. Participants are also invited to trade sessions with Peter outside of the group once each year.

The cost is $100 per group meeting.

To register select “going” and send a $100. Deposit to Relationship Transformations, 7981 168th Ave NE. Suite 124, Redmond, WA 98052. For more information contact Peter at 425/802-2050 or www.Rebirthing.com

This years meetings:
5/18
6/8
7/20
9/14
10/12
and 11/9
I intend to continue to meet 10 Sundays per year – One Sunday per month except not in August and December. We will usually meet on the second Sunday of the month, (except this year the May and July dates have been moved so as to not conflict with Mothers day and other events in July).

Short Bio: Peter was one of the early pioneers of breathwork. He was one of Certified Rebirthers and has been training breathworkers and teaching relationship workshops internationally for over 35 years. He was the director of Theta House the first rebirthing center from 1979-81, a trainer for the Loving Relationships Training from 1981-1990, and is the creator of Relationship Transformations, Freeing Ourselves Workshop, Creating Intimacy Workshop, and The One-Month Breathwork School.

 
Posted in Relationships, Workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Honoring the Sacred: Developing the Divine Feminine and Masculine

I increasingly hear talk about Sacred Relationships or Divine Feminine/Masculine aspects of self, what they need, and what they need from the other. What does it mean to be firmly grounded in our sacred inner feminine and/or masculine? And, what do these selves or energies need from those whom we seek to share intimate relationships with? Perhaps more importantly, how can we best support ourselves with our inner feminine and our inner masculine selves as we connect with another?

I have sat with my plan to write this blog for some time now. I have noticed that this is a worthy topic for a book and that I would also be able to place nearly all of the teachings I value most within this query. The Monogamy Challenge could have been written within the context of honoring the sacred or divine masculine and feminine. The topics I address around healing family traditions, self-soothing, my desire model, Fantasy Bonding, and Sacred Sexuality, all address our healing from a feminine and masculine perspective.

Sometimes the words Sacred and Divine can feel overly general. They can be code words for special, highest and best. What does it really mean if a heterosexual woman says: “I need to feel honored by the sacred masculine and I also need to develop the sacred masculine within myself in order to attract that?” This could be a platitude or a way to make the words “I need more.., I need better…, and I deserve the best…” sound more enlightened.

So, while I think the primary benefit of this query is to address some of our deeper needs, I also think it serves to expand our thinking about our worth. Sacred and divine are lofty ideals. These words can remind us of being worthy of the best, and inspire us to reach high and do our best.The Monogamy Challenge

This also continues my discussion about needs and what we need that I have been intending to share here on my blog as I write my second book, which is in part about creating nurturing relationships.

Next, I noticed that this can feel like a gender biased approach because it infers that masculine and feminine are different and have different needs. My position on this has long been that there are pros and cons to this. I think it is important to not imply “men are this way and women are that way.” It can be helpful to question that sometimes there are tendencies inherent to masculine and feminine energy. But sometimes a man holds more of an energy that we may have ascribed to the feminine and vise versa. If we keep this in mind, I think that we can have helpful vocabulary with less gender bias. I think this is where my desire to write this blog comes in. I think that people are increasingly exploring the roles of masculine and feminine energy in their inner world as well as within their relationships with others both male and female.

Now lets ask the question: What does the (divine or sacred) feminine need from the (divine or sacred) masculine? And vise versa?

Does the feminine need to be loved and supported by a more structural energy that we are describing when we say masculine? Does the masculine need to be appreciated by a nurturing energy we are describing when we say feminine? Do you notice the connection between this and self-soothing and that this describes aspects of how we care for ourselves? And, to what degree is it human or healthy for us to seek this support in others?

It will be helpful if we understand and remember that we are recovering from the sins of our fathers and mothers. We are recovering from patriarchal abuse and the abuse that has sometimes occurred as we reacted to, or compensated from abuse. We still need to be sensitive to this as we interact as men and women. Does it help you reach high and do your best if you remember that you and another have sacred and divine needs? What are those needs? Is there an essential masculine or feminine that we would benefit from if it were restored to its real essence?

I know we all need to be loved and supported, and to feel that we belong. Thus some of the harder work is in letting go of criticism and building acknowledgement. For now, I will conclude this: The path of sacredness means that we do not criticize our beloveds for not being or doing what we feel would be optimal, but we instead embrace them as being whole as they are, and that they are living their right purpose. In doing so, we accept that they are beautifully navigating and evolving the life they were given.

Love, Peter

Posted in Book: The Monogamy Challenge, Communication, Couples Counseling, Gratitude, Holidays, Intimacy, Relationships, Service, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Happiness, Joy and Connection

Happiness is not derived from inner joy and feelings of love alone, it also stems from connection. Connection is about being in our right Relationship with others and the environment. Happiness comes from being able to hold connection with ourselves and others at the same time. It is about self-soothing and having the strength to want. It is not just about inner joy, it is about holding the structure between ourselves and others. Connection is about the structural integrity of a relationship. It is about enjoying what suits us, and also about honoring the connection. The deeper pursuit of happiness then takes us into some real stuff; like fairness, equality, credit, and regard. These grittier real world issues do not need to pull us into right and wrong power struggles. We can instead use this knowing to meet and acknowledge our beloveds, not because we are people pleasers who seek to create secure connection by obligating others, but because we have the courage to give our relationships the strong structures we seek.

Posted in Communication, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Authentic Communication, Leadership and Facebook?

I have friends who criticize Facebook for being inane and others who criticize those who use it primarily for self-promotion. I don’t spend much time with the playful conversations on Facebook, but I recently responded to a friends post that said: “I feel like buying something, what should I buy?”

Most of the responses were what you might expect – ‘buy this or that,’ to which I added: “You could sponsor a child via ChildFund, then go lingerie shopping, and then come home and see what happens.” I don’t often mention ChildFund or the children I have sponsored, but that was my authentic response. I think I added the lingerie to my comment as a way of being authentic and congruent with the lighter environment of my friends post and the prior comments.

About a week later I got a message from my friend thanking me for my suggestion and he shared that he had sponsored a child along with the child’s name, age and country!

I love this story. It fits into so many things I consider valuable: service, authentic communication, and intimacy to name a few.

It echo’s something I learned from an improvisational acting class that I have long applied to intimacy – that a key to intimacy is to embrace the others words or actions and respond in a way that regards and honors their contribution, and then to also add to their “offering” in a way that moves the relationship in a direction that we value or desire. This means listen, use similar language, and build a connection one step at a time. Our contributions are best heard when they are energetically linked to the others contributions. Whether we apply this to business or dating, it means that it works best to move one step at a time. It also means to take risks that stretch discourse in the direction we feel would be beneficial. All authentic communication does this and is therefore deep and sacred because it moves us toward greater depth and sacredness.

My favorite part of the story is the Facebook component and how by being authentic about something I felt, I helped create something meaningful. This fits into something I am quite passionate about: There is no hierarchy of miracles. It is our ego that wants to make special contributions that might dramatically prove our worth. Real depth is known and expressed in the moment. It often has few or no witnesses. Every piece of our lives and our interactions provide us with opportunities to contribute and all of our contributions are in a sense miraculous. World peace and the end of hunger are created one relationship at a time by our doing our best. Being present and authentic with our words, deeds, and actions is part of this. So, even a silly Facebook conversation can hold some real intimacy, especially when we engage truthfully.

IMG_1766

This is actually what leadership is. Leadership is reaching forward while listening, speaking up while following, and engaging and making contact. Leadership is moving forward and backward together.

Here’s to each of us learning to trust our identity and to express it, and to having fun. And, have you seen my photos?

Love, Peter

PS: It is a coincidence that I am posting this on Fathers Day. Happy Fathers Day to all the men and women who have expressed their fathering in the world.

Posted in Communication, Intimacy, Relationships, Service | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Our Vulnerability Makes Us Hypocrites

It is natural and normal for us to feel vulnerable. Our physical existence results in some real safety issues and preferences. Especially when we were young we needed to be cared for to survive. As a baby we feel safer if we feel loved, than if we feel unwanted or rejected. We have needs and preferences and getting them met helps us feel more secure. To feel liked is better than feeling disliked at any age. To have more money gives us a better feeling of power and security than less money does. Our physical and emotional vulnerabilities result in our feeling that to have more love and money would nearly always be a good thing.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Vulnerability is natural and it is also healthy to allow ourselves to feel it. If we suppress our vulnerability we will likely withdraw to protect ourselves, or brace ourselves against others by being defensive or critical. Being connected to our vulnerability makes us more present and opened to intimacy, and it is a key step toward resolving our relationship issues because it is part of admitting them and sharing about them. Being able to feel and express our vulnerability is an aspect of our strength because it takes true courage to acknowledge the softer side of our being. By knowing our power and our vulnerability or weakness, we are more able to access and express real power because we will not be pretending to be powerful in an attempt to run away from our fear. Seeking or expressing our power alone results in a more one-dimensional compensatory or pushy energy, where as when we are being present with our vulnerability and our strength we are more resonate and authentic. I sum this up with the adage: “our vulnerability is our strength.” It is also a good affirmation: “My vulnerability is my strength.”

This said, it is also valuable to understand a completely different issue; that our natural tendency to focus on our own vulnerability results in a tendency to be self-focused, and that we are then likely to underestimate the impact of our own words and behaviors on our relationships. The natural tendency to be more aware of our own fears results in our concentrating on how another is impacting us, instead of having the self-reflection to address and take responsibility for how we are impacting them and our relationship with them. Thus our vulnerability makes us hypocrites. It is why we have the old adage “We can dish it out but can’t take it.” I also describe this as an aspect of “Garden Variety Narcissism,” by being more self-focused and we tend to see our relationships unfairly and expect others to give us consideration that we are less apt to feel secure enough to give them.

Garden Variety Narcissism negatively effects relationships is a variety of ways ranging from; defensiveness, criticism and contempt; to withdrawing from the other; to judging another instead of owning what we did to create a relationship problem. One aspect of how this operates is that we are so used to our own fear or vulnerability that we no longer question it. We no longer ask ourselves if our fears are valid or based on reality, and instead we just live with our reactions as if they are normal. Our fear becomes the norm and we live, often unconsciously, in a fight or flight mode without questioning our behavior or the assumptions that it is based on. We can become desensitized to our own fear and also to the ways we protect ourselves. We feel threatened, barely acknowledge it, and instead unconsciously move forward with the ways we protect ourselves.

Another aspect of this is we may act as if others should understand this and that we do not mean to be acting badly or that we are only protecting ourselves. Since being aware of our fear or vulnerability is our norm we don’t see ourselves as threatening, and we then judge others for their fear-based behavior without owning how we may have contributed to it. We expect latitude but don’t give it. We don’t give the other latitude for their self-protection based behaviors, or acknowledge that their defensive behaviors may be justified given our behavior.

So how can we begin to work with this? We can nearly always benefit from assuming that we are expecting more consideration than we are giving. We can question if what we think of as and equal 50%-50% relationship may actually be 60%-40% in our favor. This could be applied to all spheres of life including time, money, and love or nurturing given. With relationship conflicts we can assume we have some blind spot where we are not taking responsibility. It will often help us if we slow down and include a deeper awareness of our own actions. (I do not recommend you do this if you have already identified that you are in an abusive relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, I recommend you remove yourself. People with more serious narcissism issues often use similar rhetoric to keep the focus on your shortcomings and away form their own. Noticing their aggressive tendency to focus on you can help you identify abuse and remove yourself.) If a relationship is not abusive, owning our own part almost always helps the other person open up and face theirs. If they don’t, it is a sign that you are still defending yourself or not giving equal consideration in some way. Often we can change our words and express our feelings more deeply and with better “I” statements but our partner or friend will not shift until our energy underneath our words also shifts.

So lets slow down, look inside, and give more consideration and latitude to others. This is not about being hard on ourselves when we admit our mistakes. We also need to have compassion for ourselves if we are going to let go of defensiveness and have the courage to admit our vulnerability and mistakes.

Here’s to giving equal understanding, consideration, and latitude to ourselves and to others.

Love, Peter

Posted in Book: The Monogamy Challenge, Communication, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, Relationships, Sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

What Does Your Bucket Hold?

Talk of the “Bucket List” seems to have increased in recent years. I feel that our focus may be overly tied to consumption or the cool experiences we should want before we die. I sometimes hear this as similar to “she who dies with the most toys wins.” While I feel that collecting experiences may be healthier to collecting things, I still choose to question: Is the common notion of The Bucket List in alignment with our real natures as evolving humans? If I had a year to live what would I do? What is it that really fulfills me?

I like the question what would I do if I had a year to live because it helps me focus on my deepest priorities. I also like to question what would I do if I won the lottery? I think it has similar benefits – what would I focus on if money and security were of less concern. I noticed long ago that my main answer is that I would more clearly follow my heart, my creativity, passions, and love. I have since used the fantasy of winning the lottery to see and feel if I am living my truest purpose. I have felt that I ideally should be doing what I would do if I won the lottery. This helps me focus on that path without waiting for the financial security of winning the lottery.

Regardless of your situation, ask yourself, what would you do if you were truly free? What would you do if you had a year to live? Ask these questions from the more materialistic, consumption-based, or ‘bucket list’ perspective. Think of that list and ask yourself: What identity do these things fulfill? Who is it that would be doing these things? I am suggesting that they would partly be fulfilling a more ego-based identity that is trying to prove our worth by possessing something. Is the purpose of your life to accumulate things and pleasures?

What I have continually felt and preferred to feel is that if I felt truly free I would focus on doing my best with what I have to contribute to the world, more than I would worry about what I could get from the world. I understand this may be a little different for me because I view my career as service-based and I love my work. Unfortunately this is not the case for everyone. Being a teacher and counselor is also one of the greatest contributions I am capable of making. But I think everyone cares about their gifts and contributions. Notice that most people are motivated to work hard for their family and friends. Working for society is just one step further on the same continuum.

I believe we have a human need to contribute and that even our ego has the need to create value. I am suggesting that we care about what we contribute and the legacy of what we leave behind. This is not as simple as committing to more service projects. I have long noticed that service can be done with the egos need to be special or it can be done with our need to live a life of integrity and sound structure. Service helps us work with many deep issues: it can be a way to feel our own abundance; express our need to connect and cooperate with others; and service helps us let go of scarcity and competition.IMG_0649

What the bucket list questions have given me is the awareness that if I had a year to live, the main thing I would do is write my next book. They have also helped me continue to work hard and live passionately to contribute to my family and to society. They have helped me realize the deeper meaning of my efforts and feel more freedom as I continue to express my purpose in the world.

If I had a year to live I would wonder: Have I done what I can? Have I done what I do? I would write because it is a major aspect of me sharing my best. My teaching is what I have to offer. It is what I can lay down as I walk, or leave here if I were to walk away.

I wrote a poem entitled “The Bucket List,” here is one of my favorite stanzas from it:

Real security can not be                                                                                             Accomplished or found                                                                                                                    It can only be left behind                                                                                                                 In the gifts we give                                                                                                                        And leave to grow                                                                                                                             In others hearts

That said, I have no plans to walk away. I note this because another problem with the “Bucket List” is that takes us further into our deathist fantasies instead of choosing to live this life. Doing what we care about now helps break this deathist fantasy cycle and be more present here now. It helps us live a life worth living and we then move forward with greater commitment, joy and passion.

By deathist, I mean all the negatives we hold (mostly subconscious) that stem from the belief in death or the desire to die. Death is the ultimate escape from our stresses in life. I will elaborate more about what I mean by deathist another time. But I will add for now that many of my complaints about politicians and world leaders are based on my hearing them only investing in the short term. While they talk about creating a sustainable world, they are not actually looking forward for future generations. I recently saw an oil company advertisement that spoke of “a 100 years of energy.” How could they say this as if 100 years of energy is enough? This is part of a deathist mentality. The world needs our investments and contributions, and it will support us if we let go of focusing on what we can take from it.

To our footprints, both past and future.

Peter

Here is the full poem entitled “The Bucket List”

https://blog.peterkane.org/2011/06/14/the-bucket-list-poem-2/

Posted in Goals, Gratitude, Intimacy, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Expectations, Context and Acknowledgement

Does the history or context of a relationship effect what you need to feel acknowledged? For example, if you have a history of shared finances, are you then more likely to need to feel credited or acknowledged for your history of working hard or sharing money? If you are in a new monogamous relationship, do you then find yourself expecting to be included in other ways like having your needs considered with your partner’s plans? Can the history or context of a relationship result in our having fair and reasonable expectations?

I ask these questions because I hear a lot of talk of how expectations are not healthy. While I agree that expectations can be stifling, I also think it is helpful to honor the context or history of a relationship, and seek ways to express our appreciation for the many connections we share, both past and present.

Does a relationships context result in expectations that are a natural aspect of our desire to be valued? Is it an understandable problem if we feel our past contributions are not acknowledged? Is it congruent if we choose to be solely in the moment when a relationship is also comprised of a shared history? If we work to honor a friends or partners past contributions will they be more likely to feel valued and acknowledged?

I ask these questions to begin the next layers of my discourse about our needs and how we can create more nurturing relationships. IMG_4052As I have been sharing in recent blogs, I think it can take some deep work to remember to value another’s point of view and continue to develop our ability to acknowledge them. What do you think?

More soon,

Peter

Posted in Book: The Monogamy Challenge, Communication, Couples Counseling, Intimacy, Relationships, Sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments